For the past 12 months or so I have been in a quandary. A no mans land, a vortex of self doubt and pity. A land where I didn’t feel like it would be wise to sit at my desk and write and share with cyber space how I was feeling, how I was doing, what I was cooking, what we were renovating now.. because – well no excuses but I just couldn’t.
To say its been busy has been an understatement. To say the changes have been significant and many – also an understatement. I guess a while back I came to the realisation that my day alone was being spent not so alone, with children who had gotten into the groove of taking advantage of their mother being home and not being well enough to push them to go to school as much as she should.
Miss the bus? Ok go back to bed then. Feeling sick? Yes well go back to bed then. Don’t want to do people? Well neither do I so go back to bed then.
But lately the lights gone on.
So with Miss M reaching the 18 year old milestone this year, and HSC year its been a shock to the system. Ive had to go into push hard to keep her there, and boy its hard. We are near the finish line now. Three more trial exams to do and the plethora of major works to present, and then the exams themselves. What happens after this ? Who knows. But we will open that box when we get there.
Master L is embarking on his year 10 journey this year. Its filled with the decisions and choices that are normally faced down by a 16 year old. He will be 15 in two weeks and he’s facing it down like a true champion.
Whatever happened to the good old apprenticeship at 14 and 9 months? If he could, he would and he’d be a bloody good little apprentice too! Instead we are ticking boxes, like physics and construction and being a little confused. But that is ok. If there was ever a time to be confused do it in your teens. As long as you sort it by the time you are ready to fly, you’ll be right. You’ll be ok.
Now to me.
For the first time in nearly seven years I find myself totally at home alone, except for the cats, dog and chickens. From 7.30am to 3pm daily. THE FIRST TIME.
Last time this happened I was still juggling day care or school drop offs and working full time. Last time this happened I had a husband home, but working nightshift. So really in our almost 20 years together this has NEVER HAPPENED. NEVER
I guess I have some choices to make going forward. I guess its time to find who I am again. Ive always had my husband by my side through the week and Ive always had the kids on the weekends. Ive always been surrounded by voices and things to do, and company. Fridays were my only days of solitude. My only day alone to get things done. Now I have Monday to Friday and well, Im kinda lost.
I dont know where to start. I don’t know what to do. Apparently on todays agenda is make salted caramel melting moments for husbands new department at works morning tea tomorrow.
and for that, I must go get ingredients.
But first, I blog.
I blog as the voice of the former Mummy blogger who is now the menopausal middle aged woman, surrounded by cats ( one of whom is a tiny panther trying to drink my coffee).
So heres to the new chapter. Heres to finding my new normal.
xox MsHemsworth
The Domesticated Ms Hemsworth 